I slip on a root, the ground is wet from the night's rain, just catch myself in time... won't smash this $400 S6 I borrowed even if I fall... just twist & land on my head to keep it safe.
Battle up ahead, hear the ramping Tippmenn rocking... and the faint farting thud of Tim's pump in there somewhere, I'm going the right way. Hope dad is keeping up... look back, he's shooting off to the side, stopping some choad from flanking us... nice.
I see yellow circles ahead, ducking, dodging, yelling, pointing, LEADING a charge. I look for an open spot, a place we are weak... so I can fill it... not really any. So I drift left & look for a spot those pompous brits are weak & not covering... there are many. I pop up behind a hedge row & cap two guys at big oaks, they might normally ignore the one or two hits especially from so far away, but they are already being pummeled from other angles... my little extra just makes cheating too hard, they walk off... heads down.
I jog off to the right, my guys are pushing up, blue armbands are falling like leaves, many play on when hit... they seem to be mad. I pass my boys...my team... my family, they have this area covered. Maybe I can go around to the right & hit them from the side... soften them up for further destruction. I go way passed the last red band I can see, hook back left now...looking for a trail or open spot to get through. A single dark figure ahead, moving steadily through the woods...not towards me, must be... yup, a Ninja. Just then he stabs his black Micro-Phantom out like a sabre, 200' away, a guy flinches & looks around... then up, as if thinking it's going to rain. I confirm his forecast with the S6's deadly AT to keep him honest... he does the right thing.
All day long it was like that, moving from place to place, seeing those smiley faces just smashing all opposition. We lost one battle I can think of, it was not the whole crew though... not sure it counts. Trying to hold a little clearing with a sand bag emplacement in the middle. It took being 3/4 surrounded... by at least 5 times our numbers to get us out of there, and they lost many in the effort.
These guys play like poetry, leaning out into hail storms of full-auto Tippy fire to deliver single magic bullets to their enemy's faces. Driving our side's gaggles of newbs, that typically followed at a safe distance, up into the fight to at least be cannon fodder & use up some of our enemy's paint. Calling out hit locations on opponents many leagues distant... at one point I heard a call of "On your left toe player". And though that guy didn't leave... I was close enough (since I was dead & walking off) to hear him say to his buddy- "There's no way that broke", implying he had indeed felt a hit in to the toe, but was not going to check it... for shame!
When asked to switch sides, to help with team imbalance, we were "trigger" happy to help out (sorry). But it mattered not, for whichever side we took, the other was taunted & spat upon, and many farm animals were hurled at them in their sorrow. I wont go through and name everyone, but you all know how well you played... heroic efforts from everyone. I would name some standouts, but truly they ALL stood out to me.
I could not be prouder of how my Trigger Happy brothers played this past weekend, there was no group or team that could stand against them man for man, and some of our men were boys... and many more were pretty damn old! I think Heath Ledger said it best, as far as playing scenario games with you guys... I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
<3 Don.
BIGpumpin'
And check "The Pump Party" Feature blog at 68caliber.com
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Pumpy goodness now on 68caliber.com!!
Thanks to Steve at 68caliber.com for giving me a corner of the site to blather on about pumpisciousness & pumposcity. I hope I can make, at least some, of you pumpers proud... though I know you cant please most of the people hardly any of the time.
I give all props to 68cal for letting the pumpers have a forum... or at least one pumper :P
I give all props to 68cal for letting the pumpers have a forum... or at least one pumper :P
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The death of "custom" guns
Of course I don't mean here (never ever ever nevner ever here!), pumpers keep old school gun customizing alive & well. But in "tournament" paintball, which is I guess what they call that mess of cheating self important chest shavers who get paid by giant evil corporations to fly around the country playing a half dozen 9 second games over the course of 5 day weekends to determine who is the best at nefariously programing a tiny circuit board to fire so many balls per second & and at such a blistering speed that every ball launched is half a Newton from exploding in the gun under the noses of the obviously paid off referees, the custom gun is dead.
It died somewhere between the Gen-e matrix & factory antichop eyes (I think... or maybe just the introduction of the "board" itself). Yeah, that may be it, the microchip... not the electronics so much. If the trigger on a semi electro was a momentary on/off, with only a relay & a some wire between it & a noid, that's a gun that might still need customizing.
Just for you youngin's, a custom gun, as defined by me, is one that has something different about it than other guns. And no I don't mean 5 of the trim pieces are annoed a different color... that's a paint job, not customization. And no as well to "mine has a blah blah board, lets you surf the internets at G3 speeds, while you play!", that's just goofy & sad. You might as well say "look!... my gun decides when & when not to shoot, for me... cause I sure as hell don't know!". Replacing practice & skill with a magic silicon wafer is not a customization of your marker, its a childish fad that will be over before you know it...then all you punks will be stuck with those... those flashing, clicking, flimsy little relics... like... like... like you were the last guy driving an Edsel!
Sorry, what was I saying?... Oh yeah, custom guns, they should be a visual & mechanical representation of you inner person, a mean little window into your soul. The artistic player displays his talents by say, creatively matching a chromed ball detent with the silver in a polished, three-color splash anno, while still not neglecting to have the valve milled out for that needed boost in airflow. The guy who knows his tools will chop his gun up like a hollywood plastic surgeon, taking off up to half the weight (try that today, and you'd be holding an aluminum tube and some wires when your done), and ending up with a gun that looked nothing like the original (again, much like what happens in hollywood). When players were not on the field, thats what we did... mod our guns, make them better than they were before... better, stronger, faster.
Its not just the elaborate & permanent changes done to the base marker that made them all so special, you could pick from sometimes hundreds of different upgrades & add ons. There were so many companies that made replacement & performance parts, I still see a part now & then from back in the day, that I never saw back then! You could get grip frame for your mag that was double triggered, autoresponsed, chrome plated, pneumatically or electronically actuated, made of plastic, aluminum, or graphite. At least 30 choices of cocker bolt stared you in the face when it was time to upgrade your (some say perfectly adequate) stock bolt.
(soapbox time)
Bitter lament: Now-a-days if you walk into a shop & ask for a bolt upgrade, the guy looks at you funny... cause you have a cocker in your hands, and he doesn't know what kind of marker it even is... thinks it's maybe a very old intimidator... cause he heard those were huge. But really, go in with your DM-Whatever, and ask for a new bolt, one option maybe two on a good day. The main functioning & only moving part of the marker, it determines consistency, efficiency, and sometimes BPS... and any given shop is likely to have only one brand/type (if that). Oh, but if you need a feedneck, to replace the perfectly working factory one (who knows why), you have 7 choices... for a feed neck... a feed neck?... yeah, that part on top your hopper sits on... yes I know they are all the same, but they get them made in china for $.014 @, so you gotta have one! What passes for custom today is lazer ingraving and a new board...
returning old timer (speaking up from the crowd gathered around the bitter lamenter's soap box): A new board?...why?? these new guns shoot 30 balls in a second right from the store... don't they?
bitter lamenter: Yeah, they need a new board to adjust the dwell...
returning old timer: Cant they just lower the input pressure & increase the hammer spring tension?... bitter lamenter: No, the gun doesn't have springs or valves as you know them, sorry...
returning old timer: Oh, I see... well what can I do to customize one of these computer guns?
bitter lamenter: Not much really, "upgrade" some of the parts I guess, but most of the ones that actually shoot the ball, have very few upgrades out there to get.
returning old timer: What parts do have lots of choices in upgrades then?... other than feed necks I mean...
bitter lamenter: Well, you got yer triggers, there are usually a few different ones of those...
returning old timer: Really? triggers?? why a lot of triggers though, do they allow faster shooting?... bitter lamenter: No, but they only cost $.008 from china, so there you go.
returning old timer: Ok, so I get a new trigger and... well get me a feed neck I guess, I want my gun to be differet, but what else?
bitter lamenter: Regulators, yeah there are a bunch of those and grips, barrels, and asa's to! returning old timer: Do the regs operate differently? and the asa's, does one have an advantage over another?...
bitter lamenter: No, not really... the regs are all copies of other ones pretty much, and the asa's are pretty much the same as well.
returning old timer: Hmmm... ah, but the grips, can I get pearl or like a polished wood, like the old marksman style mag grips?
bitter lamenter: I wish!... sorry, no just rubber/plastic grips, usually stickie to some degree & with hot chicks on them.
returning old timer: Well that's something anyway... Oh, barrels! now I can really improve my marker, a new barrel from a good company always added accuracy & distance to our guns back in the day!
bitter lamenter: Sorry, they have proven that most barrels shoot about the same, its more about your aim & quality/size paint.
returning old timer: Then why do they still make a bunch of different barrels...
bitter lamenter (interrupts): more than ever really... so many barrels...
returning old timer (continues): ...if they don't improve performance?... Oh, let me guess, $.048 from china?
bitter lamenter: $.17, they are kinda heavy to ship.
returning old timer: Maybe I should just break out the old cocker, it has close to $2,000 into it...
bitter lamenter: Unfortunately, its only worth $150 today, a bit more if its drilled for eyes...
returning old timer: ...Drilled for eyes??? what the..... fuck it, I don't want to know, but will it keep up with these new guns?
bitter lamenter: Yeah, pretty much, they just lowered the cap on ROF again, I think its like 10 bps now.
returning old timer: WHAT?!... all this technology & potential speed and you have someone telling you that you cant use it?
bitter lamenter: Yeah... kinda funny right?
More fast shooting, efficient, and inexpensive guns are available than ever before, but at what price! I mean, price to our collective sensitivities of course, there are only so many different color combos that look good on an ego... and they have been used up long ago. One more argyle & fuchsia DM and I'm gonna puke! Yes there are more choices than ever on what gun to get... but hardly any on how to make it your own. Back in the day, you shot a cocker or a mag, or you lost. But at any major tourney, you hardly ever saw two guns alike, they all had pretty substantial differences... cause most were CUSTOM. You saw things like totally different bodies, tons of chrome plated stuff, crazy forward angled grip frames, pro & home body milling, and hundreds of different giant drop forwards.
You loved your gun back then, took care of it & it took care of you. Oiled it after every use, adjusted the many adjustments to perfection & your teams guns all matched... in general, same model probably, and same anno, but the details separated yours even from your team mate's.
Now I see these tourney rats regularly toss $2,000 gun setups into the dirt of the sidelines, when they stop shooting. Why did it stop shooting? the jackass doesn't have the slightest idea, the one or two guys who know how guns work will fix it. So they go grab another identical power painter and play on (so to speak). Its all good though, cause their brainless sponsors just send them another box of guns, no big deal for the sponsor, the things only costs them $14 from china. The down gun may be fixed, or more likely used for parts, and end up in a greasy cardboard box under a counter in a shop or field house somewhere. All the while, poor Ethiopian players have to use old mech spyders with gravity hoppers... for shame!
Just one more reason to play pump, custom guns are the norm... to us its not just enough to play well (though that is the easy part), we need a gun to represent us on the field... not another clone off the rack.
-maldon007
It died somewhere between the Gen-e matrix & factory antichop eyes (I think... or maybe just the introduction of the "board" itself). Yeah, that may be it, the microchip... not the electronics so much. If the trigger on a semi electro was a momentary on/off, with only a relay & a some wire between it & a noid, that's a gun that might still need customizing.
Just for you youngin's, a custom gun, as defined by me, is one that has something different about it than other guns. And no I don't mean 5 of the trim pieces are annoed a different color... that's a paint job, not customization. And no as well to "mine has a blah blah board, lets you surf the internets at G3 speeds, while you play!", that's just goofy & sad. You might as well say "look!... my gun decides when & when not to shoot, for me... cause I sure as hell don't know!". Replacing practice & skill with a magic silicon wafer is not a customization of your marker, its a childish fad that will be over before you know it...then all you punks will be stuck with those... those flashing, clicking, flimsy little relics... like... like... like you were the last guy driving an Edsel!
Sorry, what was I saying?... Oh yeah, custom guns, they should be a visual & mechanical representation of you inner person, a mean little window into your soul. The artistic player displays his talents by say, creatively matching a chromed ball detent with the silver in a polished, three-color splash anno, while still not neglecting to have the valve milled out for that needed boost in airflow. The guy who knows his tools will chop his gun up like a hollywood plastic surgeon, taking off up to half the weight (try that today, and you'd be holding an aluminum tube and some wires when your done), and ending up with a gun that looked nothing like the original (again, much like what happens in hollywood). When players were not on the field, thats what we did... mod our guns, make them better than they were before... better, stronger, faster.
Its not just the elaborate & permanent changes done to the base marker that made them all so special, you could pick from sometimes hundreds of different upgrades & add ons. There were so many companies that made replacement & performance parts, I still see a part now & then from back in the day, that I never saw back then! You could get grip frame for your mag that was double triggered, autoresponsed, chrome plated, pneumatically or electronically actuated, made of plastic, aluminum, or graphite. At least 30 choices of cocker bolt stared you in the face when it was time to upgrade your (some say perfectly adequate) stock bolt.
(soapbox time)
Bitter lament: Now-a-days if you walk into a shop & ask for a bolt upgrade, the guy looks at you funny... cause you have a cocker in your hands, and he doesn't know what kind of marker it even is... thinks it's maybe a very old intimidator... cause he heard those were huge. But really, go in with your DM-Whatever, and ask for a new bolt, one option maybe two on a good day. The main functioning & only moving part of the marker, it determines consistency, efficiency, and sometimes BPS... and any given shop is likely to have only one brand/type (if that). Oh, but if you need a feedneck, to replace the perfectly working factory one (who knows why), you have 7 choices... for a feed neck... a feed neck?... yeah, that part on top your hopper sits on... yes I know they are all the same, but they get them made in china for $.014 @, so you gotta have one! What passes for custom today is lazer ingraving and a new board...
returning old timer (speaking up from the crowd gathered around the bitter lamenter's soap box): A new board?...why?? these new guns shoot 30 balls in a second right from the store... don't they?
bitter lamenter: Yeah, they need a new board to adjust the dwell...
returning old timer: Cant they just lower the input pressure & increase the hammer spring tension?... bitter lamenter: No, the gun doesn't have springs or valves as you know them, sorry...
returning old timer: Oh, I see... well what can I do to customize one of these computer guns?
bitter lamenter: Not much really, "upgrade" some of the parts I guess, but most of the ones that actually shoot the ball, have very few upgrades out there to get.
returning old timer: What parts do have lots of choices in upgrades then?... other than feed necks I mean...
bitter lamenter: Well, you got yer triggers, there are usually a few different ones of those...
returning old timer: Really? triggers?? why a lot of triggers though, do they allow faster shooting?... bitter lamenter: No, but they only cost $.008 from china, so there you go.
returning old timer: Ok, so I get a new trigger and... well get me a feed neck I guess, I want my gun to be differet, but what else?
bitter lamenter: Regulators, yeah there are a bunch of those and grips, barrels, and asa's to! returning old timer: Do the regs operate differently? and the asa's, does one have an advantage over another?...
bitter lamenter: No, not really... the regs are all copies of other ones pretty much, and the asa's are pretty much the same as well.
returning old timer: Hmmm... ah, but the grips, can I get pearl or like a polished wood, like the old marksman style mag grips?
bitter lamenter: I wish!... sorry, no just rubber/plastic grips, usually stickie to some degree & with hot chicks on them.
returning old timer: Well that's something anyway... Oh, barrels! now I can really improve my marker, a new barrel from a good company always added accuracy & distance to our guns back in the day!
bitter lamenter: Sorry, they have proven that most barrels shoot about the same, its more about your aim & quality/size paint.
returning old timer: Then why do they still make a bunch of different barrels...
bitter lamenter (interrupts): more than ever really... so many barrels...
returning old timer (continues): ...if they don't improve performance?... Oh, let me guess, $.048 from china?
bitter lamenter: $.17, they are kinda heavy to ship.
returning old timer: Maybe I should just break out the old cocker, it has close to $2,000 into it...
bitter lamenter: Unfortunately, its only worth $150 today, a bit more if its drilled for eyes...
returning old timer: ...Drilled for eyes??? what the..... fuck it, I don't want to know, but will it keep up with these new guns?
bitter lamenter: Yeah, pretty much, they just lowered the cap on ROF again, I think its like 10 bps now.
returning old timer: WHAT?!... all this technology & potential speed and you have someone telling you that you cant use it?
bitter lamenter: Yeah... kinda funny right?
More fast shooting, efficient, and inexpensive guns are available than ever before, but at what price! I mean, price to our collective sensitivities of course, there are only so many different color combos that look good on an ego... and they have been used up long ago. One more argyle & fuchsia DM and I'm gonna puke! Yes there are more choices than ever on what gun to get... but hardly any on how to make it your own. Back in the day, you shot a cocker or a mag, or you lost. But at any major tourney, you hardly ever saw two guns alike, they all had pretty substantial differences... cause most were CUSTOM. You saw things like totally different bodies, tons of chrome plated stuff, crazy forward angled grip frames, pro & home body milling, and hundreds of different giant drop forwards.
You loved your gun back then, took care of it & it took care of you. Oiled it after every use, adjusted the many adjustments to perfection & your teams guns all matched... in general, same model probably, and same anno, but the details separated yours even from your team mate's.
Now I see these tourney rats regularly toss $2,000 gun setups into the dirt of the sidelines, when they stop shooting. Why did it stop shooting? the jackass doesn't have the slightest idea, the one or two guys who know how guns work will fix it. So they go grab another identical power painter and play on (so to speak). Its all good though, cause their brainless sponsors just send them another box of guns, no big deal for the sponsor, the things only costs them $14 from china. The down gun may be fixed, or more likely used for parts, and end up in a greasy cardboard box under a counter in a shop or field house somewhere. All the while, poor Ethiopian players have to use old mech spyders with gravity hoppers... for shame!
Just one more reason to play pump, custom guns are the norm... to us its not just enough to play well (though that is the easy part), we need a gun to represent us on the field... not another clone off the rack.
-maldon007
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